The Official Gonzo & Conjure ’16 Election Prediction


Finally, the big day was upon us.

You could feel it in handshakes, nervous laughs, and the increase in political t-shirts and hats everyone seemed to be wearing. Sides were being signaled, gruff head nods alerting comrades they were not alone and enemies that they were being watched. A palpable tinge of tension seemed to color the air in a reddish hue. Here in Florida even the lizards scurrying on the sidewalk appeared to notice it, pausing longer than usual to consider the strange creatures that dripped worry and fear from every pore.

I don’t worry though. I have 52 friends that allow me to push back the veil and peer deeply into the realm of probability. Love, Death, everything can be divined from a pack of playing cards.

Even an election.

It was simple really, deceptively so. I whispered to my friends that I wished to see how the election would play out, shuffling and breathing my desires onto them until I could feel them burning in my hands. It’s not something you learn out of a book, it’s something you feel, a tingling in your fingers that makes images light up in the center of your body. It can come quick or take awhile, but you keep shuffling until it clicks. You don’t know the how or even why, you just know the answer is there.

With a flick of the wrist the deck is cut and the world is laid bare.

Combined with the esoteric knowledge of the Arabic Lunar Mansions, a simplified astrology for wizards too busy to spend hours consulting charts, a clear picture of what lay ahead for the nation proved to be anything but boring.

First the lunar forecast: Election day opens up with the beginning of the Lunar Mansion Al Farch Al Mukdim at 1:33am on the Eastern seaboard, a mansion devoted to love and abiding affection. The Pictatrix, an ancient 400-page book of magic and astrology from the Middle Ages, noted this mansion was ideal to “bind people in mutual love, to travel safely on roads, to strengthen buildings and make the incarceration of captives firm.”

Modern translation? “This day will be ideal to fill people with illusions of patriotism, ensure docile natures, reinforce existing hierarchies, and keep control of domesticated populations tight.”

This mansion being the one the election day falls under is enough for me to call it for Hillary. This is not a moon of rebellion or new beginnings but of reconciliation and recuperation. This is a moon for the establishment.

But the cards pointed towards some trouble.


The top row is the “seen” events. The first three cards can be thought of as the story, the narrative at play. Total destruction(10 of Spades) leads to a passionate unleashing of emotion(4 of Diamonds), though it is less than genuine. After this period of difficulty things settle down as the American people move into their new home(9 of Hearts).

The second row is the “unseen events,” and allow us to see the motivations and maunevours of unknown forces that shape the reality we see.

Taken together it looks like a period of self-reflection and anxiety(Ace of Clubs) is centered around the fear of total destruction(10 of Spades). Here we see many that have pledged themselves to third party candidates will instead go for the “safe” choice out of fear of Trump. I’d wager neither the Greens nor the Libertarians will capture the much needed 5%. The cards, as they often do, carry a double meaning. The 10 of Spades is also known as the “Ruined Church,” and signifies what is undone cannot be returned to. Considering the “total destruction” of one candidate I believe this signals Trump will almost certainly lose, this campaign tarnishing him in a way he will never fully recover from.

Much tears, bloodshed, and war(7 of Spades) will follow, this culminating in the passionate explosion of emotion(4 of Diamonds) when the results are counted. This is not an outright insurgency, more akin to the biblical “wailing and gnashing of teeth.” This indicates the result will be much more high-strung than other elections, and can indicate a hotly contested counting of the votes. Considering the moon will shift into the twenty-seventh Lunar Mansion, Al Fargh Al Thani, around 12:30 am that night this is very unsettling. This lunar mansion is known for the ruin of resources, obstruction, endangerment, hindrance, and malice. It also usually signals one person’s gain at another’s loss.

The 5 of Spades is known as the “Rotting Corpse,” and can signify a lingering illness or the deterioration of a bad situation. I fully expect cries of voter fraud and a fixed election though Al Fargh Al Thani seems to ensure someone will actually profit from the chaos. Considering the madness shifts into a generally stable card in the 9 of Hearts(Cottage, New Life) we can expect whatever malcontent is stirred up to be quickly buckled down on. Dissent will not be tolerated and I’d expect Obama to say as much when all is said and done.

Would Trump admit defeat? I reshuffled the deck and pulled one card for a simple yes-no answer:



5 of Clubs. A “no,” but an interesting one. The 5 of Clubs is a “healthy body” or “full barn,” and seems to indicate he’ll act more in his long term “health.” Expect him to eventually stand aside, most certainly by November 10th where the lunar mansion of Al Batn Al Hut(culmination, attainment, gathering together, ending of cycles) will rule. He will avoid saying he outright concedes defeat, leaving enough room for him to cunningly play both victim and honorable foe. Expect something along the lines of “in the interest of the American people, and the stability of our nation, I will concede…”

In conclusion the election will go to the establishment, but not without some fight. Whatever flashes of seething rage emit from the people the State will be quick to soothe them and ensure no potential leaders can solidify a sustained rebellion. The United States does not have its elections watched, nor will it allow any foreign bodies to examine them. To do so would tarnish our carefully cultivated persona as “untouchable.” While Trump, as innocent dupe or co-conspirator, faithfully ends his role as scapegoat lingering feelings of suspicion will cloud the air.

Expect heavy doses of propaganda to follow along with media attempts to “heal” a sick nation. Some national tragedy shouldn’t be too far behind….

Dr. Bones

About Dr. Bones

Dr. Bones is a conjurer, card-reader and egoist-communist who believes “true individuality can only flourish when the means of existence are shared by all.” A Florida native and Hoodoo practitioner, he summons pure vitriol, straight narrative, and sorcerous wisdom into a potent blend of poltergasmic politics and gonzo journalism. He lives with his loving wife, a herd of cats, and a house full of spirits. He can be reached at and
This entry was posted in Essays and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to The Official Gonzo & Conjure ’16 Election Prediction

  1. Jigme Odsel says:

    I got a very similar reading from my own deck, using your spread method.


    • Jigme Odsel says:

      When my own spread opened with the Lady of Coins, I should have known how it would all go down. Representing a student and a change of career, nothing for Hillary. She is neither a student of the game nor would this be a change in career, just a promotion. That’s the danger in seeing what you want instead of listening to the cards. Lesson learned.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s