I Support the Heroes that Robbed Kim Kardashian


(GREED) – In a daring and heroic act Kim Kardashian, living symbol of the vapid veneration of celebrities and mindless pursuit of profit, has had a gun jammed in her face and was robbed of millions of dollars worth of jewelry while visiting Paris on Sunday night.

In a country with a youth unemployment rate of 23.50% some unknown proletarians brought home the terror and degradation they face on a daily basis to one of the most despised creatures ever to crawl out of the cesspool that is the “celebrity scene.”

France has always been home to a peculiar and infamous strain of Anarchism that has struck fear directly into the hearts of the bourgeoisie since it’s inception: Illegalism. From Jules Bonnot robbing banks to Marius Jacob breaking into churches and the houses of the wealthy, the French elite have spent many a night dreading the return of Anarchists that had no time for peaceful marches or some far off revolution. The Illegalists fought Class War in the present tense, deeming all members of the wealthy as guilty and anything they had up for grabs:

By refusing us the right to free labor society gives us the right to steal. In taking possession of the wealth of the world the bourgeois give us the right to take back, however we can, what we need to satisfy our needs. Anti-authoritarian, we have the burning determination to live free without oppressing anyone, without being oppressed by anyone. Current society, based on the absurd egoism of the strongest, on iniquity and oppression, denies us this. In order not to die of hunger we are forced to have recourse to various expedients: accept the stupefying and demoralizing existence of the wage earner: work, or the dangerous existence of the illegal: steal, and get ourselves out of our mess through means on the margin of the law.”

The thieves made off with “a ring worth about $4.5 million and a jewelry box containing other items worth $5.6 million,” liberating themselves from uncountable hours of slavery and making it very clear to the jet-set wealthy that they are not untouchable.

Even if these unknown brave souls do not identify themselves as members of the Anarchist milieu we can all take great joy in an attack on one of the most visible appendages of American Celebrity. Renzo Novatore called such endeavours “heroic” when committed against the wealthy because such Direct Action could only be

“taken up only by that daring minority of exuberant ones who, while belonging to the class of discredited ‘proletarians,’ have a vigorous and lively nature, rich in free spiritedness and independence, who cannot accept being chained in the shackles of any slavery, whether moral, or human, or social, or intellectual, and so much the less, economic slavery, which is the most degrading, most mortifying, most shameful slavery, impossible to bear when healthy, leonine, and throbbing blood pulses through the veins.”

Rather than feeling sorry for some overpaid clown we should be asking why we all aren’t engaging in similar acts when the wealthy so gleefully enjoy lives they’ve neither worked for or even earned. Why should people suffer unmonitored police ID checks against non-white people” on the streets of Paris while jet-set rich folk can hide in “Hotel de Pourtalesa ‘no address establishment’ which offers luxurious and discreet apartment rentals to the rich and famous?” Why should people who live in French towns like Grigny where “three in five children live below the poverty line” meekly do nothing as a grotesque plastic idol freely flaunts items worth more money than they’ll ever earn?

Class war is a reality, the enemy those who prevent us from living. Be they Kardashian, cop, or congressman we are all under attack and must start to defend ourselves, preferring to rob rather than be robbed. In a predatory system that exploits the many while enriching the few we can only howl in laughter as Kim Kardashian bitterly tastes what working people have for generations!

Gonzo journalism at no cost is my gift to you. Want to help keep me from starving to death or buy me a beer? Do me a favor and make a donation of any size and I’ll promise not to haunt you when I die.

About Dr. Bones

Dr. Bones is a conjurer, card-reader and egoist-communist who believes “true individuality can only flourish when the means of existence are shared by all.” A Florida native and Hoodoo practitioner, he summons pure vitriol, straight narrative, and sorcerous wisdom into a potent blend of poltergasmic politics and gonzo journalism. He lives with his loving wife, a herd of cats, and a house full of spirits. He can be reached at Facebook.com/theconjurehouse and TheConjureHouse@protonmail.com
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