Nazi-Inspired Bayer Corp. Determined Not to Be Evil Enough, Buys Monsanto


There are bad ideas and then REALLY fucking bad ideas. Take for instance my recent habit of chasing whiskey with beer. I’ve fucked up, gotten lost, and even blew off quality time with the family to discuss reincarnation with my town’s homeless population. I have indeed sinned greatly, and currently beg for forgiveness. Selah.

So you’ll understand why I couldn’t be sure I wasn’t imagining things when I heard Bayer, the gigantic medical corporation renowned for making aspirin and heroin, had recently bought the Anti-Seed business known as Monsanto for a whopping $66 billion dollars.

No word yet from foreign correspondents but we can be sure lightning cracked across the sky as the deal was signed; riotous laughter surely spilled from the several dukes hailing from the darkest pits of hell that were assuredly in attendance.

The reason this is a bad fucking idea is variegated in degrees of disaster. For one we now have a gigantic singular entity handling 25% of the world’s supply of seeds and pesticide. Don’t let the idiots over at “I Fucking Love Science” fool you. Anytime that much power gets in one pair of hands it leads to a host of issues.

“A rigid defense of ‘the science’ prevents scientists from recognizing that Monsanto monopolizes seed production, dictates market prices to the exclusive benefit of rich farmers, drives the emergence of superweeds, allows the spread of transgenes to wild crops in other countries, and uses the state to boost its profits….Yet in the wake of news that indebted farmers in India were being driven to suicide, many pro-GMO commentators wrote dismissive rebuttals, plainly refusing to admit that the introduction of Monsanto’s Bt cotton and the exorbitant costs of seeds and chemicals had created a deep debt crisis for many Indian farmers….Most troubling, Monsanto and other multimillion-dollar agribusiness firms have been suppressing independent research on their genetically engineered crops for decades.”

Call me paranoid but two companies with shady ties to the military industrial complex now controlling an ungodly portion of the global seed market fills me with nothing but dread.

“On Monsanto’s Board of Directors sits the former Chairman of the Board and CEO of the giant war contractor Lockheed Martin, Robert J. Stevens, who was also appointed in 2012 by Barack Obama to the Advisory Committee for Trade Policy and Negotiations. As well as epitomising the revolving door that exists between the US Government and private trans-national corporations, Stevens is a member of the parallel government in the US, the Council on Foreign Relations (CFR). A second board member at Monsanto is Gwendolyn S. King, who also sits on the board of Lockheed Martin where she chairs the Orwellian ‘Ethics and Sustainability Committee”.”

But hey, come on guys! This is an American company we’re talking about here! Sure they may be pushing a product linked to “200% to 300% increase in large tumours, severe organ damage to the kidney and liver” when tested on rats but it’s not like they’re literally undermining free speech! If the people of the world don’t want crops that will give them cancer they have the ability to just not buy them! That’s how the free market makes us free!


“In 2007, the former US ambassador in Paris, Craig Stapleton, suggested the US government should create a penalties list for EU states which wanted to forbid the cultivation of genetically engineered plants from American companies. The wording of the secret dispatch: ‘Country team Paris recommends that we calibrate a target retaliation list that causes some pain across the EU.‘ Pain, retaliation: not exactly the language of diplomacy.”


“As interviews and reams of court documents reveal, Monsanto relies on a shadowy army of private investigators and agents in the American heartland to strike fear into farm country. They fan out into fields and farm towns, where they secretly videotape and photograph farmers, store owners, and co-ops; infiltrate community meetings; and gather information from informants about farming activities. Farmers say that some Monsanto agents pretend to be surveyors. Others confront farmers on their land and try to pressure them to sign papers giving Monsanto access to their private records. Farmers call them the “seed police” and use words such as “Gestapo” and “Mafia” to describe their tactics.”

Bayer corporation doesn’t exactly have the nicest of histories either.

Economic greed by companies like Bayer, BASF and Hoechst was the key factor in bringing about the Holocaust…. A decisive fact is that IG employee SS major Dr. med. Helmuth Vetter, stationed in several concentration camps, participated in these experiments by order of Bayer Leverkusen…

In the Auschwitz files correspondence was discovered between the camp commander and Bayer Leverkusen. It dealt with the sale of 150 female prisoners for experimental purposes: “With a view to the planned experiments with a new sleep-inducing drug we would appreciate it if you could place a number of prisoners at our disposal (…)” – “We confirm your response, but consider the price of 200 RM per woman to be too high. We propose to pay no more than 170 RM per woman. If this is acceptable to you, the women will be placed in our possession. We need some 150 women (…)” – “We confirm your approval of the agreement. Please prepare for us 150 women in the best health possible (…)” – “Received the order for 150 women. Despite their macerated condition they were considered satisfactory. We will keep you informed of the developments regarding the experiments (…)” – “The experiments were performed. All test persons died. We will contact you shortly about a new shipment (…)”

A former Auschwitz prisoner testified: “There was a large ward of tuberculars on block 20. The Bayer Company sent medications in unmarked and unnamed ampoules. The tuberculars were injected with this. These unfortunate people were never killed in the gas chambers. One only had to wait for them to die, which did not take long (…) 150 Jewish women that had been bought from the camp attendant by Bayer, (…) served for experiments with unknown hormonal preparations.”

The same ethos is alive and well in Bayer company today:

“Amidst anthrax attacks and widespread fears of exposure, Bayer has refused to allow other pharmaceutical firms to produce ciprofloxacin hydrochloride, so that they can profit from sales of Cipro, their patented drug that cures anthrax…

Bayer’s New Jersey-based subsidiary, Haarmann and Reimer, was one of several manufacturers implicated in an international conspiracy to create a price monopoly on citric acid. Haarman and Reimer pleaded guilty to the US Department of Justice and had to pay a $50 million, while a senior executive at the German-based Haarman & Reimer was fined $150,000…

The American unit of Bayer AG agreed to pay $14 million to settle charges of causing inflated Medicaid claims after defrauding the government by setting prices that were too high on drugs such as Kogenate and Koate-HP, used to treat haemophilia and Gamimmune, used to treat immune deficiency diseases…”

The list goes on and on.

What this new global conglomerate has planned for the poor souls incarnated here has yet to be seen, but if past and current trends are to continue it is nothing short of Hitler locking hands with Henry Ford.  The wise are cautioned to not drink too heavily, keep an eye out for tumors, and immediately begin asking forgiveness from whatever cruel god runs this planet.

Gonzo journalism at no cost is my gift to you. Want to help keep me from starving to death or buy me a beer? Do me a favor and make a donation of any size and I’ll promise not to haunt you when I die.

About Dr. Bones

Dr. Bones is a conjurer, card-reader and egoist-communist who believes “true individuality can only flourish when the means of existence are shared by all.” A Florida native and Hoodoo practitioner, he summons pure vitriol, straight narrative, and sorcerous wisdom into a potent blend of poltergasmic politics and gonzo journalism. He lives with his loving wife, a herd of cats, and a house full of spirits. He can be reached at and
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